Why in some way - you'll always care what people think

. Thursday, November 15, 2018 .


Sheer bodysuit: Missguided
Bralet: Primark
Flare trousers: boohoo
Belt: New Look

Just like you, I was sat here one day reading a very similar article and thinking "what the actual fuck!?". It played on my mind for ages, then I realised that actually maybe there was a little bit of truth in the subject.

"I don't care what people think of me" is nothing but a proud statement that is false and disdained with denial. It's a statement even I make at times, as an affirmation to keep moving forward with my pursuits and stop any negative words latching on to my deepest insecurities.

However this affirmation is nothing but a lie many of us tell ourselves on a daily basis. We mutter said lie to give a sense of invincibility and show others that we're strong individuals. I have to remind myself that such a false affirmation stunts many avenues of life -  relationships, creativity and even mental health.

Are you still pissed off with my broad statement?

Good. Now read on:

What other people think of you is undeniably powerful. It's one of many things that subconsciously gives you direction in life. Have people told you you're a word genius? Or have impeccable talent for art? Then it's no doubt that you honed your writing skills or carried on drawing. It's those very thoughts spoken aloud that push you to carry on with whatever your dreams might be.

But when we hear a negative thought or criticism, it spirals all sorts of emotions - rage, fear and even impostor syndrome. As much as we love to deny it - unfortunately, it stings like fuck, but it's how we ultimately process this that determines our will to carry on or let these words halt our progress in life.

By affirming out loud or in your head that you "don't care what they think" only delays your ability to process information. The memories of negative actions taken towards you will surface when least expected, because you merely blanketed them with a statement that doesn't allow you to deal with how you really feel.

Let's be real - it hurts, just that little bit, when someone comments on the hairstyle you put ever so much effort in to, or the eczema scars on your arms or that wonky tooth you've been self-conscious about all of your life. Pain even spirals from shitty online trolls (or real-life strangers) who find weaknesses in us to make themselves feel superior about their own insecurities (or get away with it, in a troll's case).

With superficial points aside let's talk about relationships. Was there one particular breakup that really got to you? When you're out partying with your friends and you had a little too much to drink - do you end up crying or feeling a deep sense of sorrow at the end of the night, sat on the sticky dance floor because of unfinished business with your ex partner? "I don't care about them anymore" was your conscious safety blanket in your sober world, inevitably falling to your feet the moment your intoxicated self revealed the pain buried underneath.

I think what scares us the most which leads us to lie to ourselves, is our fear of becoming obsessed with the negativity our minds are so susceptible to. We fear that the words of someone else's invalid opinions of us will define us and control our every move.

It may very well do so for a time, some people may even find comfort in it. But be rest assured that a time comes when enough is enough. Let that fear be a turning point.

There are two types of people in this world that a good friend of mine once told me: One person will spiral downward, the other cuts through it all. In other words you either succumb to the darkness or scour away at the hurt until you find your own light.

Not everyone will like you. People might even irrationally hate you however this doesn't mean you dismiss every single thought that makes you uncomfortable. To truly become strong - you face those painful words head on. The challenge you'll face is putting those opinions on a scale of 0 to 10.

Those that matter to you - their words will mean the most.

If a troll comments on one of your images saying you're X, Y and a fucking Z - you think "ouch", but you remember that they're some random on the internet. Does the opinion of someone you've never even met matter? Likely not, so they place on the lower end of your scale.

But then you might get that one dickhead who comments on just how much foundation you're wearing. They're telling the truth, but in the shittest way possible. Your skin really does look caked in too much foundation. Now you have to decide where that opinion sits on your scale.

Keep going as you move up the rank in relationships towards you. Your local, your neighbours, acquaintances you've met a handful of times. Let's face it - their opinion matters to you a tiny bit on certain subjects. You more than likely don't take notice of their comments on your life choices, but if you have lipstick on your teeth - you ought to listen.

#idontcare - right?

Wrong.

What about your boss? You want praise for the work you do, let's keep it real. If you're shut down by your boss despite working so hard, it fucking stings. But if they're outright picking on you then that changes things entirely. #idontcare isn't gonna progress your career I'm afraid.

I think the hardest pill to swallow is when it comes to family and friends. The scale still applies here. Both family and friends should tell you if you suck at something because they love you and speak their mind in your best interests. But remember - they might simply not understand the way you like to dress or the food you like to eat. Their opinions of you might go as far as to offend your beliefs, so they're things you have to consider when placing them on your scale.

Oh and let's not forget those almost relationships I spoke of previously. How many more "I don't care" 's are you gonna pull before you realise that actually your feelings were very real, ergo their opinions of you actually meant something? I'm very, very guilty of saying such a thing when I've had my heart ripped out and it's only through the natural course of ageing that I realised such an attitude prolonged so much pain. It still does, but it's gets easier in its own twisted way.

To finish this off I want to ask you, how many times have you walked or drove by a sale because you 'don't care' - and how many times have you thought fuck it, parked up and dug your way through the sales to find something of amazing value? It was probably hot, sweaty and it got you frustrated. But you achieved something valuable in the end, even if you are covered in sweat and dirt.

So I'm telling you now - acknowledge the hurt, get angry, cry and be upset but always remember; how you carry on your pursuits in life ultimately depends on the mindset you allow to put yourself through. Recognise that there is the tiniest bit of value in those harsh opinions that score higher on your scale. How you respond and process those opinions is where your true confidence shines through.


Sheer bodysuit: Missguided
Bralet: Primark
Flare trousers: boohoo
Belt: New Look

Just like you, I was sat here one day reading a very similar article and thinking "what the actual fuck!?". It played on my mind for ages, then I realised that actually maybe there was a little bit of truth in the subject.

"I don't care what people think of me" is nothing but a proud statement that is false and disdained with denial. It's a statement even I make at times, as an affirmation to keep moving forward with my pursuits and stop any negative words latching on to my deepest insecurities.

However this affirmation is nothing but a lie many of us tell ourselves on a daily basis. We mutter said lie to give a sense of invincibility and show others that we're strong individuals. I have to remind myself that such a false affirmation stunts many avenues of life -  relationships, creativity and even mental health.

Are you still pissed off with my broad statement?

Good. Now read on:

What other people think of you is undeniably powerful. It's one of many things that subconsciously gives you direction in life. Have people told you you're a word genius? Or have impeccable talent for art? Then it's no doubt that you honed your writing skills or carried on drawing. It's those very thoughts spoken aloud that push you to carry on with whatever your dreams might be.

But when we hear a negative thought or criticism, it spirals all sorts of emotions - rage, fear and even impostor syndrome. As much as we love to deny it - unfortunately, it stings like fuck, but it's how we ultimately process this that determines our will to carry on or let these words halt our progress in life.

By affirming out loud or in your head that you "don't care what they think" only delays your ability to process information. The memories of negative actions taken towards you will surface when least expected, because you merely blanketed them with a statement that doesn't allow you to deal with how you really feel.

Let's be real - it hurts, just that little bit, when someone comments on the hairstyle you put ever so much effort in to, or the eczema scars on your arms or that wonky tooth you've been self-conscious about all of your life. Pain even spirals from shitty online trolls (or real-life strangers) who find weaknesses in us to make themselves feel superior about their own insecurities (or get away with it, in a troll's case).

With superficial points aside let's talk about relationships. Was there one particular breakup that really got to you? When you're out partying with your friends and you had a little too much to drink - do you end up crying or feeling a deep sense of sorrow at the end of the night, sat on the sticky dance floor because of unfinished business with your ex partner? "I don't care about them anymore" was your conscious safety blanket in your sober world, inevitably falling to your feet the moment your intoxicated self revealed the pain buried underneath.

I think what scares us the most which leads us to lie to ourselves, is our fear of becoming obsessed with the negativity our minds are so susceptible to. We fear that the words of someone else's invalid opinions of us will define us and control our every move.

It may very well do so for a time, some people may even find comfort in it. But be rest assured that a time comes when enough is enough. Let that fear be a turning point.

There are two types of people in this world that a good friend of mine once told me: One person will spiral downward, the other cuts through it all. In other words you either succumb to the darkness or scour away at the hurt until you find your own light.

Not everyone will like you. People might even irrationally hate you however this doesn't mean you dismiss every single thought that makes you uncomfortable. To truly become strong - you face those painful words head on. The challenge you'll face is putting those opinions on a scale of 0 to 10.

Those that matter to you - their words will mean the most.

If a troll comments on one of your images saying you're X, Y and a fucking Z - you think "ouch", but you remember that they're some random on the internet. Does the opinion of someone you've never even met matter? Likely not, so they place on the lower end of your scale.

But then you might get that one dickhead who comments on just how much foundation you're wearing. They're telling the truth, but in the shittest way possible. Your skin really does look caked in too much foundation. Now you have to decide where that opinion sits on your scale.

Keep going as you move up the rank in relationships towards you. Your local, your neighbours, acquaintances you've met a handful of times. Let's face it - their opinion matters to you a tiny bit on certain subjects. You more than likely don't take notice of their comments on your life choices, but if you have lipstick on your teeth - you ought to listen.

#idontcare - right?

Wrong.

What about your boss? You want praise for the work you do, let's keep it real. If you're shut down by your boss despite working so hard, it fucking stings. But if they're outright picking on you then that changes things entirely. #idontcare isn't gonna progress your career I'm afraid.

I think the hardest pill to swallow is when it comes to family and friends. The scale still applies here. Both family and friends should tell you if you suck at something because they love you and speak their mind in your best interests. But remember - they might simply not understand the way you like to dress or the food you like to eat. Their opinions of you might go as far as to offend your beliefs, so they're things you have to consider when placing them on your scale.

Oh and let's not forget those almost relationships I spoke of previously. How many more "I don't care" 's are you gonna pull before you realise that actually your feelings were very real, ergo their opinions of you actually meant something? I'm very, very guilty of saying such a thing when I've had my heart ripped out and it's only through the natural course of ageing that I realised such an attitude prolonged so much pain. It still does, but it's gets easier in its own twisted way.

To finish this off I want to ask you, how many times have you walked or drove by a sale because you 'don't care' - and how many times have you thought fuck it, parked up and dug your way through the sales to find something of amazing value? It was probably hot, sweaty and it got you frustrated. But you achieved something valuable in the end, even if you are covered in sweat and dirt.

So I'm telling you now - acknowledge the hurt, get angry, cry and be upset but always remember; how you carry on your pursuits in life ultimately depends on the mindset you allow to put yourself through. Recognise that there is the tiniest bit of value in those harsh opinions that score higher on your scale. How you respond and process those opinions is where your true confidence shines through.

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