10 Signs They're Just Not That In To You (And What To Do About It)

. Tuesday, January 30, 2018 .

Kimono - Tesco
Denim Shorts - Vintage Lee Jeans
Bag + tights - Primark


Photography: Almir Avdich

I don't think there's anything quite like having your investment batted off your interest's shoulders. After coming out of a horrible relationship and back into the dating scene - it's opened my eyes to an abundance of bad behaviour exhibited by some awful people, that in the past I would have excused.

But not anymore.


I've dated a few "drifters" and "breadcrumbers" of late. These traits are worse than the average fuck boy, as their game is to keep you interested with as little investment as possible. It leaves you thinking things like "Do they even like me?", "Why haven't they asked me out on another date yet?", "Did I do or say something wrong?".

Fortunately my bad experiences in relationships has helped me catch on to this behaviour early, spot the signs and get the fuck out of there as quick as I can. My tolerance for quite frankly - shit behaviour, is extremely low, and I think those searching for their next partner should have low tolerance too. Because you deserve the world, hot stuff.

So without further ado -  here's how to tell he's just not that in to you, so you can get the fuck out of there too quicker than you can say Bye Felicia:

1. He/she uses the classic "I've been so busy" excuse


Yeah - too busy, for you. It's the most cliche and classic excuse to get out of making plans with somebody and is just plain fucking rude. If your interest isn't saying something along the lines of "I've got a lot on today, but how about we go for dinner at X on X day at X time" then take this as a sign of their low investment.

What to do:

Maybe he/she genuinely does have a job or situation that is taking up a lot of their time. It's how they manage their time with you and their busy schedule that counts. Bottom line: if they can't make time for you, you're not a priority. This isn't an easy pill to swallow, but don't hold something like this against somebody you've just met - if after a few dates into knowing someone they're still acting like you'll never have a place in their life then get rid.

Always remember: if the modern day A&E doctor can sustain a loving relationship in between long-ass shifts then so can your office beau.

If they're not showing any sign of planning another date, simply show the same level of investment by replying with something that wraps up the conversation. Then - get back on your preferred choice of online dating platform and spend your time wooing another hot specimen.

2. Your friends can sense something's wrong with him/her.


Maybe your friends have met your love interest and they've confessed that they just can't put a finger on what's wrong with them. Maybe they sense a bad vibe, or they did/said something that was unjust. Your friends are able to absorb someone's character with no bias - making them perfect for analysing your interest's true intentions.

What to do:

Listen to them. If your date hasn't actually done anything wrong then give him/her the benefit of the doubt - at the end of the day, we all say or do stupid things when we're nervous or haven't dated for a while. However if they've really shown a side that doesn't sit well that your friends have picked up on - get rid.

3. He/she doesn't show PDA

I'm not saying they should be eating your face off in a crowded place. Maybe this person likes to take things slow - which can be a very, very good thing. But if you're on a 3rd+ date and they're not showing any form of affection in the public eye and it's making you feel unloved then it's time to question their intentions.

What to do:

Consider the fact they may genuinely be very shy or are holding back because of what you might think. If you feel like holding hands or linking arms - do it! See how they react and if it doesn't go down well, then you know how they really feel about you.

4. It just feels fucking wrong

Some of us are guilty for not following our gut due to mistaking it for paranoia or repeating behaviour that may have painted an older flame with the same brush. We naturally see the good in people - however if your date doesn't make you feel good about yourself or something seems genuinely wrong then don't let their chiseled cheekbones or dem titties fool you into feeling like this is all you deserve.

What to do:

Again, nerves can come into play here. But if you're feeling this way after the 2nd/3rd date then don't hang around long enough to find out they're just not that into you.


5. You have more communication with your latest match on Tinder


If a complete stranger on a dating website is messaging you more than your crush then that speaks volumes, especially if the conversations make you excited and feel good. Your initial interest should be showering you with attention at the end of the day and if they're not, well, need I say more?

What to do:

Gut instinct also has a part to play here - however if someone is making you feel miles better about yourself than your initial interest then you go on a fucking date with them.

6. He/she is only good company when they're drunk


Are they only affectionate and interested in you if they've had a drink? If yes - tell them to kindly fuck off. Not to mention if the conversation is lacklustre sober then you can forget the thought of your dialogue if you ever became official.

This goes for you too - if your alcohol-induced self makes you feel more comfortable around somebody then it's a sign you guys have nowt in common (well ok except for the first date because nerves, innit).

What to do:

You might think your date is a gorgeous specimen crafted by Venus - but if there's no personality there and they only make you feel comfortable intoxicated then that's just pretty rubbish. Isn't it?Swerve.

7. They seldom ask questions about you/your hobbies and interests

Not only this is a sign of lacking interest, but it says a lot about their character. Sometimes a date is after an ego boost which unfortunately you've had to take the time out of your day for. This kind of person is insecure I'm afraid and quite frankly - you don't need that kind of attitude in your life.

What to do:

This could also pass off as nerves, but don't make excuses for too long. Ask open ended questions and see if they reciprocate. If they don't, then end your date there and then. They should really reciprocate though because like, I bet your cinema ticket memorabilia box is bloody amazing.

8. Their excuses for bailing are just plain shit

This kind of links back to the "I'm busy" excuse - if they give an excuse that just doesn't make sense or is so close to the time of meeting, without an ounce of effort from their part to rearrange then you've guessed it - they're not bothered, and they're not just that into you.


What to do:

Make this the last shitty pill they give you to swallow then show the same level of investment - nothing.

9. Your communication only ever takes place on WhatsApp


Ever turned up to a date to find out you had nothing to talk about because you know their life story already? Life gets in the way and maybe you haven't had the opportunity to meet up. But a phone call would be nice now, wouldn't it?

What to do:

Ask in the best way possible that you'd like a chat over the phone, or take the plunge and arrange a date (assuming they've not made you feel shit about yourself thus far). If the excuses come along then wave bye-bye. Yes it's the 21st century but I don't think your ideal relationship involves longing for their next message.

10. You're acting like a friggin weirdo

Perhaps you're exhibiting strange behaviour yourself that you don't realise. We might be obsessive over their lack of text response, or act entirely different around them. If you feel a change in your personality or behaviour that is unhealthy - that in itself speaks volumes about how your date really makes you feel.


What to do: 


Sit down with yourself for a moment and think back over your behavior - do you really listen to Jimmy Eat World and own all 8 of their albums (extended!?). Be. Your. Self. If you feel the need to be anybody else to impress a date who's showing a lack of interest in your true self then off with them.

A lot of my advice in this post is very much 'top-line', in case you can't tell. I'm aware everyone has their own individual situation with a potential beloved but all I'll say is - life is too fucking short to spend time with somebody who isn't investing the effort into a relationship you deserve

"But their Grandma is really sick and they're just going through such a hard time right now Christina, you heartless bitch!!" - Well for a start I'm not heartless. Sorry to hear their dear family member is going something awful. But ask yourself - why are you expecting investment when their mind is obviously elsewhere? I suppose what I'm trying to say here is be realistic and know where there head is at too. Weigh up the obstacles and ask yourself whether it's something you can handle in the long run, before you take my sweet, sweet,  relentless advice.



Kimono - Tesco
Denim Shorts - Vintage Lee Jeans
Bag + tights - Primark


Photography: Almir Avdich

I don't think there's anything quite like having your investment batted off your interest's shoulders. After coming out of a horrible relationship and back into the dating scene - it's opened my eyes to an abundance of bad behaviour exhibited by some awful people, that in the past I would have excused.

But not anymore.


I've dated a few "drifters" and "breadcrumbers" of late. These traits are worse than the average fuck boy, as their game is to keep you interested with as little investment as possible. It leaves you thinking things like "Do they even like me?", "Why haven't they asked me out on another date yet?", "Did I do or say something wrong?".

Fortunately my bad experiences in relationships has helped me catch on to this behaviour early, spot the signs and get the fuck out of there as quick as I can. My tolerance for quite frankly - shit behaviour, is extremely low, and I think those searching for their next partner should have low tolerance too. Because you deserve the world, hot stuff.

So without further ado -  here's how to tell he's just not that in to you, so you can get the fuck out of there too quicker than you can say Bye Felicia:

1. He/she uses the classic "I've been so busy" excuse


Yeah - too busy, for you. It's the most cliche and classic excuse to get out of making plans with somebody and is just plain fucking rude. If your interest isn't saying something along the lines of "I've got a lot on today, but how about we go for dinner at X on X day at X time" then take this as a sign of their low investment.

What to do:

Maybe he/she genuinely does have a job or situation that is taking up a lot of their time. It's how they manage their time with you and their busy schedule that counts. Bottom line: if they can't make time for you, you're not a priority. This isn't an easy pill to swallow, but don't hold something like this against somebody you've just met - if after a few dates into knowing someone they're still acting like you'll never have a place in their life then get rid.

Always remember: if the modern day A&E doctor can sustain a loving relationship in between long-ass shifts then so can your office beau.

If they're not showing any sign of planning another date, simply show the same level of investment by replying with something that wraps up the conversation. Then - get back on your preferred choice of online dating platform and spend your time wooing another hot specimen.

2. Your friends can sense something's wrong with him/her.


Maybe your friends have met your love interest and they've confessed that they just can't put a finger on what's wrong with them. Maybe they sense a bad vibe, or they did/said something that was unjust. Your friends are able to absorb someone's character with no bias - making them perfect for analysing your interest's true intentions.

What to do:

Listen to them. If your date hasn't actually done anything wrong then give him/her the benefit of the doubt - at the end of the day, we all say or do stupid things when we're nervous or haven't dated for a while. However if they've really shown a side that doesn't sit well that your friends have picked up on - get rid.

3. He/she doesn't show PDA

I'm not saying they should be eating your face off in a crowded place. Maybe this person likes to take things slow - which can be a very, very good thing. But if you're on a 3rd+ date and they're not showing any form of affection in the public eye and it's making you feel unloved then it's time to question their intentions.

What to do:

Consider the fact they may genuinely be very shy or are holding back because of what you might think. If you feel like holding hands or linking arms - do it! See how they react and if it doesn't go down well, then you know how they really feel about you.

4. It just feels fucking wrong

Some of us are guilty for not following our gut due to mistaking it for paranoia or repeating behaviour that may have painted an older flame with the same brush. We naturally see the good in people - however if your date doesn't make you feel good about yourself or something seems genuinely wrong then don't let their chiseled cheekbones or dem titties fool you into feeling like this is all you deserve.

What to do:

Again, nerves can come into play here. But if you're feeling this way after the 2nd/3rd date then don't hang around long enough to find out they're just not that into you.


5. You have more communication with your latest match on Tinder


If a complete stranger on a dating website is messaging you more than your crush then that speaks volumes, especially if the conversations make you excited and feel good. Your initial interest should be showering you with attention at the end of the day and if they're not, well, need I say more?

What to do:

Gut instinct also has a part to play here - however if someone is making you feel miles better about yourself than your initial interest then you go on a fucking date with them.

6. He/she is only good company when they're drunk


Are they only affectionate and interested in you if they've had a drink? If yes - tell them to kindly fuck off. Not to mention if the conversation is lacklustre sober then you can forget the thought of your dialogue if you ever became official.

This goes for you too - if your alcohol-induced self makes you feel more comfortable around somebody then it's a sign you guys have nowt in common (well ok except for the first date because nerves, innit).

What to do:

You might think your date is a gorgeous specimen crafted by Venus - but if there's no personality there and they only make you feel comfortable intoxicated then that's just pretty rubbish. Isn't it?Swerve.

7. They seldom ask questions about you/your hobbies and interests

Not only this is a sign of lacking interest, but it says a lot about their character. Sometimes a date is after an ego boost which unfortunately you've had to take the time out of your day for. This kind of person is insecure I'm afraid and quite frankly - you don't need that kind of attitude in your life.

What to do:

This could also pass off as nerves, but don't make excuses for too long. Ask open ended questions and see if they reciprocate. If they don't, then end your date there and then. They should really reciprocate though because like, I bet your cinema ticket memorabilia box is bloody amazing.

8. Their excuses for bailing are just plain shit

This kind of links back to the "I'm busy" excuse - if they give an excuse that just doesn't make sense or is so close to the time of meeting, without an ounce of effort from their part to rearrange then you've guessed it - they're not bothered, and they're not just that into you.


What to do:

Make this the last shitty pill they give you to swallow then show the same level of investment - nothing.

9. Your communication only ever takes place on WhatsApp


Ever turned up to a date to find out you had nothing to talk about because you know their life story already? Life gets in the way and maybe you haven't had the opportunity to meet up. But a phone call would be nice now, wouldn't it?

What to do:

Ask in the best way possible that you'd like a chat over the phone, or take the plunge and arrange a date (assuming they've not made you feel shit about yourself thus far). If the excuses come along then wave bye-bye. Yes it's the 21st century but I don't think your ideal relationship involves longing for their next message.

10. You're acting like a friggin weirdo

Perhaps you're exhibiting strange behaviour yourself that you don't realise. We might be obsessive over their lack of text response, or act entirely different around them. If you feel a change in your personality or behaviour that is unhealthy - that in itself speaks volumes about how your date really makes you feel.


What to do: 


Sit down with yourself for a moment and think back over your behavior - do you really listen to Jimmy Eat World and own all 8 of their albums (extended!?). Be. Your. Self. If you feel the need to be anybody else to impress a date who's showing a lack of interest in your true self then off with them.

A lot of my advice in this post is very much 'top-line', in case you can't tell. I'm aware everyone has their own individual situation with a potential beloved but all I'll say is - life is too fucking short to spend time with somebody who isn't investing the effort into a relationship you deserve

"But their Grandma is really sick and they're just going through such a hard time right now Christina, you heartless bitch!!" - Well for a start I'm not heartless. Sorry to hear their dear family member is going something awful. But ask yourself - why are you expecting investment when their mind is obviously elsewhere? I suppose what I'm trying to say here is be realistic and know where there head is at too. Weigh up the obstacles and ask yourself whether it's something you can handle in the long run, before you take my sweet, sweet,  relentless advice.


3 comments

  1. This is spot on Chris, and you will find someone truly worthy of you you beautiful human xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anna <3 Aye I know I will. Life teaches you in its own weird way to not settle for the wrong person xx

      Delete

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