Scared about the future? That's ok, me too.

This post has been sat in my draft box. Inspired by the lovely Cat at Eyes Behind a Lens, I've decided to go ahead and publish this. 

I'm going to graduate with a 1st, whoopty-do. It came to my realisation a few months ago that my time in a safe, educational and party-fueled environment is going to come to an end. It will be time to face the music.

Fuck. What now?

As many soon-to-be or recent graduates can relate: What on earth comes next? I've been contemplating my future for a long time, questioning whether I really do want to work in Fashion or become a beach bum. In all seriousness, the job market is looking awful lately. Creative industries are even harder to break in to, there's too many (unpaid) internships or placements as opposed to actual jobs and quite frankly, that's scary.

Why is there such daunting pressure for 20-somethings to succeed so fast?

I read an article not long ago about how busy people, and people with higher IQ's have the least amount of friends. I'd be bathing in the Bahamas for every penny I had for dumb moments in my life so no, I am not saying I have a soaring IQ; but the busy and friends part? That's correct. I put work first. I've been told all my life this is wrong, to let my hair down. They're right. Why do I find it so bloody hard to just stop? I feel like my relationships with others have suffered because I'm constantly working and only a handful of people understand why I am the way that I am.

And I'm fine with that.

I'm always doing something...Creating something. It makes me happy and brings me that tiny step closer to a chance of grabbing an opportunity, whatever that might be. I make time for my friends, I love them dearly but there are times where their energy saps mine completely. I'd rather be photographing or writing random shit. I am happiest doing things by myself though I guess that's my issue, a 'side effect' of being an introvert.

What I'm trying to get at here is the pressure I put myself under is engraved into my DNA now. Creative people never stop working, there's always room for improvement and nothing is ever truly 'finished'. But is this the result of the pressure the world (and my mind) puts me under? It genuinely sends me into spirals of depression; facing the hard cold fact that we constantly have to prove ourselves what with today's competition.

Shouldn't I be a starry eyed, fresh graduate with dreams and aspirations?

Those dreams and aspirations have been slowly dwindling away as I've sat in denial.

But I have hope, I have to. Hope keeps me going.

All I can do is hope that one person in the foreseeable future will witness my drive, potential and hunger to climb up in this world. Someone that will give me a chance to chase my dreams again. I won't change, or stop what I'm doing, but I sure as hell am going to keep the focus and lose the pressure now. All this stress and negative thinking does nothing but drive the good things away.

So I'll leave you with this:

To all the people in 3rd year, last year in school or what ever you're doing that will lead to a big change: It's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel that slight guilt when you're not hanging with your friends to get your work done. But try, try not to succumb to this awful pressure we feel now. You're one step ahead. You care about your future and that's all that matters.

Everything will follow and fall into place.


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