. Thursday, November 15, 2018 .

Sheer bodysuit: Missguided
Bralet: Primark
Flare trousers: boohoo
Belt: New Look

Just like you, I was sat here one day reading a very similar article and thinking "what the actual fuck!?". It played on my mind for ages, then I realised that actually maybe there was a little bit of truth in the subject.

"I don't care what people think of me" is nothing but a proud statement that is false and disdained with denial. It's a statement even I make at times, as an affirmation to keep moving forward with my pursuits and stop any negative words latching on to my deepest insecurities.

However this affirmation is nothing but a lie many of us tell ourselves on a daily basis. We mutter said lie to give a sense of invincibility and show others that we're strong individuals. I have to remind myself that such a false affirmation stunts many avenues of life -  relationships, creativity and even mental health.

Are you still pissed off with my broad statement?

Good. Now read on:

What other people think of you is undeniably powerful. It's one of many things that subconsciously gives you direction in life. Have people told you you're a word genius? Or have impeccable talent for art? Then it's no doubt that you honed your writing skills or carried on drawing. It's those very thoughts spoken aloud that push you to carry on with whatever your dreams might be.

But when we hear a negative thought or criticism, it spirals all sorts of emotions - rage, fear and even impostor syndrome. As much as we love to deny it - unfortunately, it stings like fuck, but it's how we ultimately process this that determines our will to carry on or let these words halt our progress in life.

By affirming out loud or in your head that you "don't care what they think" only delays your ability to process information. The memories of negative actions taken towards you will surface when least expected, because you merely blanketed them with a statement that doesn't allow you to deal with how you really feel.

Let's be real - it hurts, just that little bit, when someone comments on the hairstyle you put ever so much effort in to, or the eczema scars on your arms or that wonky tooth you've been self-conscious about all of your life. Pain even spirals from shitty online trolls (or real-life strangers) who find weaknesses in us to make themselves feel superior about their own insecurities (or get away with it, in a troll's case).

With superficial points aside let's talk about relationships. Was there one particular breakup that really got to you? When you're out partying with your friends and you had a little too much to drink - do you end up crying or feeling a deep sense of sorrow at the end of the night, sat on the sticky dance floor because of unfinished business with your ex partner? "I don't care about them anymore" was your conscious safety blanket in your sober world, inevitably falling to your feet the moment your intoxicated self revealed the pain buried underneath.

I think what scares us the most which leads us to lie to ourselves, is our fear of becoming obsessed with the negativity our minds are so susceptible to. We fear that the words of someone else's invalid opinions of us will define us and control our every move.

It may very well do so for a time, some people may even find comfort in it. But be rest assured that a time comes when enough is enough. Let that fear be a turning point.

There are two types of people in this world that a good friend of mine once told me: One person will spiral downward, the other cuts through it all. In other words you either succumb to the darkness or scour away at the hurt until you find your own light.

Not everyone will like you. People might even irrationally hate you however this doesn't mean you dismiss every single thought that makes you uncomfortable. To truly become strong - you face those painful words head on. The challenge you'll face is putting those opinions on a scale of 0 to 10.

Those that matter to you - their words will mean the most.

If a troll comments on one of your images saying you're X, Y and a fucking Z - you think "ouch", but you remember that they're some random on the internet. Does the opinion of someone you've never even met matter? Likely not, so they place on the lower end of your scale.

But then you might get that one dickhead who comments on just how much foundation you're wearing. They're telling the truth, but in the shittest way possible. Your skin really does look caked in too much foundation. Now you have to decide where that opinion sits on your scale.

Keep going as you move up the rank in relationships towards you. Your local, your neighbours, acquaintances you've met a handful of times. Let's face it - their opinion matters to you a tiny bit on certain subjects. You more than likely don't take notice of their comments on your life choices, but if you have lipstick on your teeth - you ought to listen.

#idontcare - right?


What about your boss? You want praise for the work you do, let's keep it real. If you're shut down by your boss despite working so hard, it fucking stings. But if they're outright picking on you then that changes things entirely. #idontcare isn't gonna progress your career I'm afraid.

I think the hardest pill to swallow is when it comes to family and friends. The scale still applies here. Both family and friends should tell you if you suck at something because they love you and speak their mind in your best interests. But remember - they might simply not understand the way you like to dress or the food you like to eat. Their opinions of you might go as far as to offend your beliefs, so they're things you have to consider when placing them on your scale.

Oh and let's not forget those almost relationships I spoke of previously. How many more "I don't care" 's are you gonna pull before you realise that actually your feelings were very real, ergo their opinions of you actually meant something? I'm very, very guilty of saying such a thing when I've had my heart ripped out and it's only through the natural course of ageing that I realised such an attitude prolonged so much pain. It still does, but it's gets easier in its own twisted way.

To finish this off I want to ask you, how many times have you walked or drove by a sale because you 'don't care' - and how many times have you thought fuck it, parked up and dug your way through the sales to find something of amazing value? It was probably hot, sweaty and it got you frustrated. But you achieved something valuable in the end, even if you are covered in sweat and dirt.

So I'm telling you now - acknowledge the hurt, get angry, cry and be upset but always remember; how you carry on your pursuits in life ultimately depends on the mindset you allow to put yourself through. Recognise that there is the tiniest bit of value in those harsh opinions that score higher on your scale. How you respond and process those opinions is where your true confidence shines through.

. Saturday, September 29, 2018 .

So here you are; confused, broken and wondering what the fuck happened. 

You were having an amazing few weeks, maybe even months of getting to know someone and you “catched feels” *cue the Kiiara playlist*. 

Then before you knew it, you detected a negative shift in energy and you knew exactly what was coming your way. 

You frantically google “why did he/she pull away?” and all sources try and give you a false sense of reassurance that this behaviour is normal. Controversial opinion alert - I’m here to tell you, that in the age of Tinder and Bumble - This. Is. Not. True. 10% of cases yes, but otherwise - NO.

One morning you opened up WhatsApp only to find a long message crafted with influence from the “How to break up with someone you’re seeing” article on Wikihow. You then think to yourself that’s it, there’s nothing you can do, but you know there’s an underlying sense of dishonesty and it makes you question your worth. 

Before you doubt your sense of being any further - let me tell you this: 

The reason this particular cretin couldn’t be honest and end things like a real human should do - is because they got scared. They’re scared because things were moving at such a lovely pace that they couldn’t believe something so lovely was happening. They fear getting hurt again, they fear ‘losing’ their identity or better yet - they fear not being able to swim in the sea for a little bit longer.

Sucks, right? In the modern dating scene it's becoming more apparent than ever to grow thick skin and swerve away from those who can't comprehend something real.

So - How do you learn to overcome all this doubt and hurt I hear you ask? Let me tell you: 

Listen to a shit ton of podcasts and watch loads of videos on the subject

That’s right - I’m talking Matthew Hussey the fuck out of your day until you’ve listened to the solid, hard truth and cried it out.

Don’t blame them too much

As painful as this is to admit - they don’t owe you shit. 

You don’t owe them shit either. 

However - people take this to the extreme and unleash their inner narcissist to hurt others. Accept that it’s part of life to change how you feel, but to be dishonest? Nah, not ok. It’s draining and it hurts like fuck. They. Ain't. Shit.

Cry, cry and cry some more

Crying is the tits. Swallow your pride, stop bottling your emotions up and fucking cry. You’ll feel 10x better, promise hun. 

Take a break, have a dating detox 

Dating is hard work. It takes serious amounts of energy (and money) - so give yourself and your bank account a break until you feel like you’re ready to meet someone new.

Dress up and gtfo the house hun 

I don’t necessarily mean getting 2on with your pals. Go to the gym and work on your body, take a class, walk somewhere or hop on a train to somewhere new. Change up your routine to focus on healing the mind in whatever means suits you.

Take a sexy ass picture 

No I don’t mean a nude (unless you’re into that - then go for it, just don’t be that dickhead that sends unsolicited photos). Look your best, snap it and upload it on all your social channels. Let’s face it - times like these, the validation and compliments do wonders for the self-esteem.

Block the betch

No stalking, no seeing what they’re up to and no reminiscing. You’re only going to undo the progress you’ve made. You. Don’t. Owe. Them. Shit - so don’t succumb your eyeballs to such a sickening sight. On that note...

Delete every evidence of them

That means whatever your phone has autosaved from chats, pictures together, screenshots you’ve sent to friends to diagnose their messages.

I hope this helps you find your own solace and helps you discover yourself again.

. Tuesday, July 17, 2018 .

Figuring out where you are and where you want to be can be a challenging venture.
Give yourself time, forgiveness and the care you need to get back on your feet.

Remember - your illness does not define you.